I finished my meal quickly, watching the red clock on the wall in the kitchen. I was pretty sure the movie started at 7:15 but perhaps it had been changed to seven and I didn’t want to miss it either way. I left a few bites of pasta on my plate and all of the dirty dishes in the sink. It was more of a mess than I’d ever left before, the sort of mess one leaves on a Saturday night before going out, and this seemed quaint to me as it was Saturday night and I was going out but it was just me and there was nobody to know about the mess or worry about it but me.

I took time to brush my teeth, and in my closet I took time to find the blue jeans I wanted to wear. I put on a soft brown shirt and left both my phone and my wallet, taking just a $20 bill, and then deciding to take my driver license as well, in case the movie were rated “R” and somebody actually asked to verify my age, or—better yet—in case I met some people at the theater and we all went out for drinks together and I thought how I would only have enough money to buy one drink but that was just fine. Finally I decided to wear a jacket, as the air was cool and maybe I would walk after the movie.

It took me three minutes to walk to the theater, and the sun was going down and I felt good in my new blue blazer and my fancy watch and not carrying my phone or my wallet. I passed a few people in the street, and I felt at the shoulders of the corduroy jacket and thought that it was a bit too wide for me, and I thought about having it tailored and perhaps I could have the sleeves let down on my suit coat as well.

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Walgreens, the drugstore mega-chain, has a new slogan that’s printed on all their plastic bags. It reads: “Walgreens: There’s a way”. This is perhaps the stupidest slogan I’ve ever seen, and it makes me a little bit sick. Here’s why.

Walgreens is not the answer to my problems. Walgreens does not help me overcome obstacles in my life. Walgreens is not who I turn to in times of great need.

Walgreens is where I buy my deodorant, floss, and contact solution. Walgreens is where I buy a pack of gum so that I can get $40 cash back. Walgreens is where I go when I need something specific, like garbage bags.

I don’t sit around mulling over complex issues with seemingly no solution until suddenly exclaiming “I’ve got it! Walgreens! There is a way! Why didn’t I think of this before?!?!”, and running madly to the nearest Walgreens.

There is nothing I can get at Walgreens that I cannot get at any other drug store. Walgreens is not special. I feel nothing for Walgreens, because Walgreens is a corporation, and all of their stores are exactly the same. In fact, they’re awfully similar to every Rite Aid and CVS pharmacy I’ve ever seen too.

I resent Walgreens’ effort to establish some sort of an emotional connection with me. This slogan, I suppose, is intended to make me think of Walgreens as something more than just a store, as a solution to life’s big problems, as the inspirational “you can do it” presence in my life that doesn’t allow me to just give up, that sticks by my side until the problem is solved.

Sorry Walgreens, but you’ll never be anything more than a store to me. I will never feel strongly about you, and I will never choose you over any other drug store.

Please consider changing your poorly-fitting slogan to one of the following:

Walgreens: Credit Cards Accepted, No Minimum Purchase Required

Walgreens: Toiletries, Plastic Bags, and Some Snacks

Walgreens: You Can Probably Find Something You Need For Less Than Three Dollars and Get Cash Back

Walgreens: Sometimes We Have Really Cheap Beer

Walgreens: Our Bathrooms Are Nicer Than Your Average Gas Station

Walgreens: You Probably Won’t Run Into Anybody That You Know Here

Walgreens: We’ll Put Everything in a Plastic Bag Even if it’s a Single Pack of Gum

These are just a few ideas that came to me this morning and are far more appropriate than Walgreens’ current slogan. They may not be as exciting, but they’re certainly fitting, and they don’t try to make this store into something it isn’t: more than just a store.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m overstimulated. Right now I’m watching a soccer game via internet stream on my laptop, with the text edit window overlapping just so. Wednesday I finished Cormac Mcarthy’s “All the Pretty Horses”, and I’m now reading Hemmingway’s “A Moveable Feast”, along with history books on Matisse and Van Gogh. Victor Valdes, keeper for FC Barcelona, has a lump on the back of his head, which makes me wonder why he’s chosen the shaved-head look. My very special friend pointed out to me today that I’ve got a similar lump on the back of my head. I was in Alameda this morning, walking the beach, and then I got in my car and drove the 10 miles home, using three different freeways and listening to two different radio stations and finally my favorite Bob Marley song “coming in from the cold”. Yesterday I watched “Magnolia” and today I’m going to start watching “Boogie Nights”.

So that’s a lot. Van Gogh wouldn’t have had that much stimulation in a year. He listened to music only when he heard it live, or perhaps on special occasions via phonograph. He travelled by train or by foot, and his only source of entertainment was reading.

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Welcome to August! The last of the summer months, and a good time to enjoy the evenings when days go from hot to cool and the sunsets are spectacular. Here’s a pretty picture of a set of clouds catching the setting sun in Sacramento, snapped last week (it was in July, but you’d never know, right?) and doctored up specially for your desktop background.

Download in various sizes here:
2560×1600, 1920×1200, 1680×1050, 1440×900, 1280×800

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