Walking through the financial district the other day, I see this great two-part poster bracketing a light post. It advertises San Francisco State University, and “The SF State of Mind”. I’m so delighted by the way it utilizes the diptych format with a clever word play. Sustain ability. Yes! I want to sustain ability! That’s what good education is all about. Sustain the abilities of America! Grow the next crop of young people, maximize their talents, let them explore themselves and refine their special gifts! Sustain the ability of our great nation. God what a poster. I take a few more steps, and I see the next one.

Creat. Ivity. And I’m crushed. Out the window go the mad props I’d just thrown to SF State, gone is the little head-shaking smile of approval, the feeling of a deep intellectual connection with the creators of this poster, borne on the wings of a mutual respect and love of the English language and it’s strange little words. I’m left shaking my head in frustration, grasping at rapidly evaporating feelings of respect and admiration. The first poster pair is now worthless. The clever play on words may have been nothing more than a fortunate accident.

There should be rules against this sort of thing. It’s akin to crediting slop in pool, or numbers you’re not shooting at in darts. If poster number one makes a play on words, the next pair in the series must make the same play on words. Conversely, if poster two doesn’t make a play on words (creat.ivity), poster one doesn’t get to.

I hereby volunteer myself to the task of reviewing public signage. If any organization so wishes to receive the Gabriel Roberts stamp of approval, thereby certifying the grammatical integrity of their latest campaign, all they have to do is ask.