I missed the beginning of this episode but apparently Emily and Ben had an extreme Bay Bridge-climbing date, and then a romantic dinner in view of the San Francisco skyline. She looked pretty fly in a little purple dress, and I think Ben did well to hand her a rose. Naturally, they both can totally see falling in love with one another.
The group date is an utterly absurd fake-snow ski fest down a street in SF. The girls strip down to bikinis and wiggle down the slope at a healthy 4 mph. My favorite part is the shots of SF locals—like a long-haired hippie on his front porch checking out the girls, or a little Chinese guy with sunglasses self-consciously peeping at the whole scene.
The next commercial is for the Honda CR-V, which was one of the cars Ben and the girls drove to their date. Honda certainly paid a pretty penny to have their cars featured in the show, but they may have broken new ground in disgusting subliminal advertising. In the SF ski segment, Ben uses the term “leap list” at least twice, as in “this has definitely been on my leap list”. I’ve never before heard the term “leap list”. I’ve heard of a bucket list, and i’ve heard of leap year. I thought perhaps Ben was just confused. But then the Honda commercial comes to a close, and the announcer says “before you take a leap, make your list”. And it all came together in a really weird way. Indeed, “leap list” is the tagline of Honda’s newest ad campaign. Unless somebody can show me where Ben got the term “leap list”—as in proof that it’s an actual term in American jargon—I’m assuming that Honda and ABC told Ben to be sure to use the term “leap list” a few times on that particular day in SF. GROSS.
Ben asks Brittney to come with him on the next one-on-one, but she gets all conflicted when she gets the date card and decides to bail. At first this seemed silly to me, but I actually have a tremendous amount of respect for her decision. She didn’t feel that her heart was in it, wasn’t excited as she felt the other girls would have been, and so instead of taking up space better spent with other girls, she withdraws. Bravo Brittney—you’re making your grandma very proud!
So with Brittney out Ben decides to take Lindzi instead (you know, the horsewoman). They cruise through SF on a cable-car-turned bus and somehow cut to the front of a massive line at the ice cream parlor for their single scoops of mocha chip.
In confessional, Ben says he likes Lindzi because “she’s open, funny, and honest, and she’s herself”.
Then they head to City Hall, and Ben whips out a key to open the locked doors to the empty building. Lindzi is blown away: “That building was obviously locked, I mean I don’t know who this guy is but he’s kinda blowing me away”. Right, because that’s how Ben rolls—with keys to major municipal buildings. It has absolutely nothing to do with a television show or anything.
After a surprise performance by some obscure artist (just for the two of them omg how romantic!!!), Ben takes Lindzi to SF’s speakeasy, “Bourbon and Branch”. They have some conversation about how it’s important to be independent, and how they like each other a lot.
Ben says he likes Lindzi because “she’s open, funny, and honest, and she’s herself”. Yes, this is exactly what he said just five minutes ago.
They end up in a piano store, and Ben sits beside Lindzi and tries to teach her a duet. This is exactly what he did with Kacie B. on the first date of the show. I suppose that’s the great thing about dating multiple girls at once—you can use the same material over and over again. The duet is no better this go-around, and Ben soon takes over with David Grey’s “This Year’s Love”, which is apparently the theme song of this season. Game over. Lindzi is smitten by this piano-playing puppy dog.
Finally we get to the cocktail party, where a surprise guest is making a last-minute drive up highway 5 to join everybody at the cocktail party. It turns out to be Shawntel the embalmer, a contestant from season 15 of the Bachelor with Brad. (My Ashley prediction turned out to be totally wrong). Shawntel is apparently in love with Ben and is totally sure that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.
Shawntel from Season 15
WHAT?!!?!! Why do you have feelings for Ben? Have you ever met him? You watched him on Ashley’s season and fell in love with him?
Shawntel sneaks into the cocktail party and sets the girls off (“Who is that bitch?”). She walks right up to Elise and Ben, who are having a little overly-cushioned wicker love-seat time, and asks to steal him. Elise makes no move to leave. Ben is shocked but quickly ushers Elise away because he’s excited to see a new hot chick and doesn’t really need an explanation or introduction. Elise is about ready to kill somebody.
Shawntel tells Ben that she came all the way here to see him, and implies that they have a relationship consisting of watching eachother on TV and perhaps two phone calls. She tells him she’s going to be at the cocktail party, and that she wants to give this a shot.
The other girls go absolutely bonkers over the addition of Shawntel. And they have every right to—she’s circumvented the whole process and is prepared to accept some other girl’s rose. My favorite line:
“On a scale of 1 to 10, i feel like i’m gonna throw up.” – Jaclyn
The girls refer to Shawntel scornfully as “Brad’s leftovers”, which is ironic because Ben is Ashley’s leftovers, and they’re all about to become Ben’s leftovers.
The cocktail party ends rather abruptly because Ben needs time to think. He passes out roses and we get down to the final three—Erika, Jaclyn, and Shawntel—with one rose remaining. After Chris Harrison pops out for his customary “this is the final rose tonight”, Ben starts a speech with “before I do anything…”. Apparently passing out all but one rose doesn’t qualify as anything.
At this point Erika practically feints and collapses to her knees. The girls around her crouch and hang onto her arms. Ben stares at her wide-eyed for a moment, and then asks weakly “are you ok?”. After about a minute he walks over and looks around bewildered, saying “can we get some… water?”.
Somebody else asks “can we get some orange juice?”. I’m not sure which is better for feinting girls that know they’re about to get kicked off the Bachelor, but Erika finally recovers enough to stand up straight and listen to Ben’s speech.
Ben sends all three girls home, because apparently a big surprise like Shawntel’s appearance called for another surprise in the rose ceremony. Somehow, seeing Ben send three women home really makes the other girls feel great. Kacie B is reassured that Ben’s the type of man she thought he was.
Shawntel is terribly confused. How could he overlook this incredible connection they had that somehow materialized out of both of them watching each other on tv? Ben walks her out but she sort of stands there, refusing to leave. Finally Ben just turns and walks away. Shawntel feels really silly.
Ben heads back for the “hooray we didn’t get sent home!” toast, where the girls find out that they’re going to… Utah!!!
Utah!!!!! omg we’re going to Utah!!!!!
Awards
MARF: Casey S. is still the hottest girl here. Kacie B. and Emily aren’t far behind.
Ben’s Best Line: Ben wasn’t very funny this week. Instead I’m going to point out his worst line.
Three times on the episode—Ben opening City Hall for Lindzi, Ben opening the back room at Bourbon & Branch for Lindzi, and Ben opening a secret room for Courtney at the cocktail party—the girls have been impressed and Ben has responded with “Riiiight?”. There are few more unpleasant grammatical mistakes than “right?” being used as an expression of agreement, and Ben doesn’t use it well. Let’s hope we don’t hear it again.
Ben’s Biggest Mistake: Once again, our Bachelor did pretty well with his roses. I like that he didn’t give Shawntel a rose, and I’m pleasantly surprised ABC didn’t force his hand in this matter. I think both Erika and Jaclyn were pretty funny, but I can’t say sending either one home was a big mistake.
The ‘Fit That Didn’t Fit: Surprisingly, Ben takes home this award for his outfit at the post-group-date soiree. He wore a button-down vest over a dress shirt, but soon he unbuttoned the vest all the way, and then untucked his shirt. The result is a droopy wrinkled blue shirt tail sticking out below his vest. This look should be reserved for Justin Timberlake, and even then it’s questionable.
Pole Position: Kacie B. is still in front, although Ben is apparently not going to spend any more date cards on her ‘til he’s worked through some more women. I’ll say Courtney’s still in second, with both Emily and Lindzi moving up to a close third and fourth, respectively.
Next week, it looks like we’re in for Ben looking rugged riding a horse wearing flannel. I imagine Ben will be trying to see who can handle the outdoors and he’ll really like it when the girls don’t totally freak out at the idea of being outside. Can’t wait!
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