Ben F.
We begin another season of The Bachelor with Ben F., a charming long-haired wine-maker from California. Not exactly a dreamboat, but with a little bit of attention from ABC, the hype of being the Bachelor, and plenty of good humor and character, he makes for quite a catch. And he makes wine for a living in Sonoma and San Francisco. After watching the first episode, I’ve concluded that Ben is my favorite Bachelor yet.
Host Chris Harrison is back too, and looks exactly the same except for just a little extra spike in the front of his hair. I’ve no doubt this was a calculated move by ABC. This guy probably has the most regular hair-cutting schedule of any man alive, and this year they decided to add about a quarter inch to his front tuft. Oh boy.
Before we meet all 25 of Ben’s female suitors, he and Chris sit down for a little obligatory man-to-man. Chris of course is very concerned that Ben is really ready for love, that he’s overcome the rejection of Ashley in last season’s Bachelorette, and that he believes this can work. Ben tells him that he’s already been through the worst. “We hope” says Chris. Ben laughs and agrees, saying “let’s hope, yeah. I can’t imagine it happening again (being rejected)… well, unless somebody else said ‘no’—then I’d be 0 for 2. And then I probably wouldn’t do this again”
That’s the kind of sarcasm I like. Comments like this show me that he’s a real guy with real thoughts and we may just be treated to some actual conversation this year.
The women begin to roll up in groups of five, oohing and aahing over Ben as he stands in a suit with his hands folded in front of the mansion. There are some good looking girls, and some not so good looking girls. That’s about all we can comment on at this point, and Ben joins in after one beautiful woman walks by into the house: “I am loving the brunettes!”. That’s what I’m talking about. Inappropriate? Maybe, but he’s the Bachelor and this is about him, and broadcasting his approval of the dark-haired women he’s met is exactly what Ben should be doing.
One of the brunettes is named “Blakely”. Hands-down winner of the worst name award. See y’all next season.
A blonde with smoky eyes and a matching dress comes slinking out of her limo, cocking her head and looking at Ben as if to say “yeah you know I’m hot, and I know I’m hot”. Half-way to the man she whispers “hey”, and then proceeds to walk right past Ben and into the house. Ben calls her out very nicely: “Bold move!”. She walks on. She gets sent home at the end of the night. Booyah Ben. Anna, we get that you’re playing “hard to get”, but this is the Bachelor—not the Bachelorette—and there are 24 other girls here that are willing to introduce themselves to Ben. Bad call.
A grandma pops out of the next limo, on crutches no less. She introduces her granddaughter to Ben. He handles it well, seems genuinely pleased to meet the grandma, and the girl goes on to win a rose. The other girls aren’t so pleased (‘What’s granny doing here?’ ‘Seriously? She brings her Grandma’)
The final girl to appear is Lindzi (no, no it’s “el, eye, en, dee, zee, eye”), and she rides up on a big beautiful horse. A nice entrance that Ben fully appreciates. He offers to help her down, dropping another very nice self-aware line in the process: “I’ve never dismounted anybody from a horse before”.
Then the shitshow of a cocktail party begins. Somehow this class of girls manages to get more shwasted than any other I can recall. They love Ben. I mean love him. He’s dreamy, hunky, adorable, precious, perfect, etc. (their words, not mine). But this party looks like it went a little bit long. Out of nowhere, drama ensues when Jenna has a conversation with Monica that goes something like this:
Jenna: So do you like Ben?
Monica: I don’t know him.
Jenna: So you don’t like him?
Monica: I don’t know him.
Jenna: So you feel nothing?
Monica: Nope
Jenna: I hate you
Monica: I hate you too
(the beginning of that conversation was actually fairly accurate)
Jenna then TOTALLY FREAKS OUT. All because somebody else, yep—you guessed it—”isn’t here for the right reasons”. Oh how we love that line in Bachelordom. It took about fifty-five minutes, but we finally got it. Both girls are pretty drunk, and Jenna decides to take Monica’s indifference towards Ben personally, and ends up in the bathroom sobbing alone.
“why does this always happen to me?!? *sob* *sob* I just don’t know if I can do this”
The ironic thing is that Jenna is a blogger. She blogs about—yep, you guessed it—relationships. How embarrassing. Poor thing.
Jenna
Why does this happen to you, Jenna? Because you create it. You decided to take offense at another person’s attitude, and you decided to feel really really awful about it. It’s that simple. Ben, of course, must keep both girls around for next week so this little feud can fester, but as far as I can tell Jenna is done. It’s Melissa from Brad’s season except prettier. Granted, both girls were subject to some harsh treatment, but both of them were entirely responsible for bringing it upon themselves. Where do you find ‘em ABC?
Otherwise Ben did quite well with his roses. He gave the first impression rose to Lindzi the horsewoman, who earned it with some pleasant conversation by the pool that didn’t make me want to puke. He (ABC) made Jenna wait for the last rose, which I’m sure will not be the last time. Now time to pass out some awards.
MARF (Most Attractive Remaining Female):
Casey, the tall blonde who rocked a strange see-through dress skirt combo. She’s an absolute beauty, and she shines it out from deep inside. Honorable mentions: Courtney, Kasie
Ben’s Best Line:
There’s alot to choose from here, so I’m gonna give two:
1. Nikki, upon meeting Ben: “You’re precious”
Ben: “I try”
2. As Chris Harrison enters the living room to deliver the first impression rose, Ben is sitting amongst three girls on the couch. He claps and says louldly “Ah! The Chris Guy!”
Ben’s Biggest Mistake:
Again, I like the way the Bachelor handled his roses on opening night. I can’t say he let go of any keepers, but the Canadian girl Amber Bacon Something-or-other takes this award. She seemed real sweet and had a good attitude upon being rejected.
Pole Position (woman with the best shot at winning):
Although Lindzi got the first impression rose, this award has to go to Kacie B. from Tennessee. She’s beautiful without a whole lot of makeup, and seemed to genuinely be enjoying herself all night long. She just strikes me as Ben’s type—sweet and down-to-earth—and has my early vote for Ben’s new fiancee. The only thing bringing her down is another silly alternate spelling of a common name. (Spelling a common name differently doesn’t make it uncommon, it just makes it confusing.)
Before the end of the episode we get a look ahead to some scenes from late in the season. Looks like we’re in for lots of crying, a villain in model chick Courtney, an appearance from an ex girlfriend (Ashley?!?!?!), and one of the final two ladies bailing out on Ben (although I’m gonna say right now this won’t actually happen).
All in all this is shaping up to be a mighty-fine season of The Bachelor. Ben knows it’s his show and he’s taking full advantage—he seems to be enjoying all of the attention and embracing each moment. He’s aware that this is a fantasy-made-reality, and he’s making the most of it. This attitude makes him a very watchable Bachelor to me, because he’s just as conscious of the strangeness of the situation as I am, and he has no qualms about calling it out. I’ve always wanted to go on the show; not to find love, but to bring a dose of reality and sarcasm to the whole over-blown ultra-dramatic affair. Ben seems to actually be looking for love, but he’s going to have some fun in the process.
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